Recently I have been running at twilight. The girls are in bed and I have some time to myself. The past few times I was out I saw fireflies lighting up. Can you believe the magic of these creatures?! They're so beautiful that they seem other-worldly. The thing about fireflies is that they look ordinary during the day but at night they become extraordinary. My love and appreciation of these insects comes from a desire to do the same. In my darkest moments I'm practicing shining brightly and moving through the dark with ease.
This has come up for me a lot lately as I remember the darkest days of my adult life a couple years ago. There is a reason my youngest is named after the dawn and the Northern Lights. She was what came after the trauma of loss. Even while moving through that intense pain and grief I was still keeping an eye out for signs and trusting that there was something on the other side. I started running (a generous term for a slow jog) again as soon as I could. Every time I ran I would finish with a good tearless cry because any extra water in my body had turned to sweat. While on one of these runs I found a Blue Jay feather- the one pictured on my welcome page. This feather meant to me that a blessing was on it's way. I was overjoyed by finding this bright blue feather- for me it was a beacon of hope. Months later I saw Blue Jays everywhere and I knew that this sweet little soul would be joining our family. To this day I feel like there is a Blue Jay everywhere I turn. Because of there vibrant blue coloring I associate Blue Jays with the throat chakra and they are certainly very vocal. This girl has helped me find my voice and has helped me trust joy follows grief. Perhaps I would not be as aware of the light that she brings into our life without going through such a terrible experience.
No matter what you are going through there is always love, light and support. Whether it's through signs in the universe or the people who surround you. My friends and family were amazing to me while I was in the thick of it. They were patient, gentle and loving as I slowly got back on track. I remember two of my dear friends healing me with kind words and holding me as I balled. I remember my one thoughtful friend brought me homemade mac and cheese, another sent me a giant tin of popcorn and my husband bought me bag after bag of sour patch kids without any judgement. The term "out of the woods" was something I developed a deep understanding for as I kept coming back to myself more and more. As I grow and continue this work I know I am building strength to be my own light source and a source of light to others in the darkest hours. Shine on loves!